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There is a War on Love going on – rampant divorce, infidelity, lack of social connection and friendship in the first place – one of the most glaring casualties of this war amounts to a secondary War on Masculinity itself.

Guess what? The enemy is again, not women or men, but Ignorance itself. One of the reasons I have lately been going to the extreme of actually saying there is a “war” is the surprising and escalating research findings coming out of late (such as the sudden five year spike in middle-aged white female suicides), and the horrible downturn in the world economy.

We tend to take the topic of dating, intimacy, love and relationships lightly as men, even to the point of in some cases seeing them as “hobbies” or “add-on’s” to our lives – as if these can be pegged into a category of life one might call “miscellaneous.” We know that to a man’s life, career status has a deep impact on self-worth and mood, and for both genders, love and intimate connection clearly connect with mood and self-worth. Clearly the data is showing something beyond a “life’s hobby” is at stake, and we need to do something about this.

You may find it interesting that another recent study shows that the former common psychology wisdom that married men have greater health and a longer lifespan than perpetual single men (“confirmed bachelors”) may be changing and turning around. Single men are catching up to married men in degree of health status, and this might be caused by them expanding their skill at social connection outside of marriage. I’m sure some guys will even share personal anecdotes in the forum and teleseminars about how actually being tied to a woman in marriage or outside of it, actually leaves them feeling less health physically, and more stressed, then when they have gone it alone.

Why?

Because without knowing the steps of human courtship in detail –not just “hooking up” or “getting laid,” but the whole process of cultivating deep and rich connections with women – men will often find themselves with or committed to the WRONG PERSON.  This is indeed worse than being alone, because you are draining resources that you needed to accomplish your career mission in life, and instead they are getting diverted toward someone who may not be much of a team player, match for you, or worse – may have an active but unconscious motivation to actually compete for attention AGAINST your career or even burn those resources.

This is entirely turned around by using the Omega Male Program.

Here is a little manifestation of the War on Masculinity, and how the enemy truly is Ignorance, not women themselves…

…recently there have been many articles written about gossip, why we do it and how it affects us.  Most of these stories treat men and women as interchangeable, perhaps sometimes for reasons of being “politically correct.”

Yet if we looked at WHY men and women gossip and for different reasons, or how gossip and rumors affect men and women differently, we can see things in a whole new light (rather than saying that gossip is either right or wrong, black or white.)

Say that we looked at what masculinity and femininity really are at the core, and what powers your own masculinity gives you – we’d discover that millions of years of evolution has programmed you to have certain instincts that are “always right,” always on the mark, and always good for you, for women, and for society.

Case in point: men are drawn to gossip to compete, to mess with other guys, and in so doing, to attempt to raise their own rank among other men – therefore their masculinity. Women are drawn to gossip as a way of sharing and connection with other women – which makes them feel more feminine – as well as providing a “checks and balances” system to expose and shun women “behaving badly” in their peer groups. “Cattiness.”

Well does this make men or women “bad?”

No. Men evolved in this way because if you were to envision a team of male warriors out in the jungle, fighting, killing for food, or staving off an enemy, if one of the men were to show weakness, a distaste for competition and testy banter, or to always be leaning too heavily on the other men, it could endanger the whole “team” and its mission.  Whether to fight an enemy, to kill for food, or to protect the village, this male instinct was lifesaving not only for individuals, but for the human race itself!

So is it any wonder to you why we would find that men by and large, avoid going to doctor’s visits, therapy, or generally “admitting weakness” or a need for help?  Men grossly under report depression for example.

I’ve seen some female authors for example, say that this is bad behavior – what’s wrong with these men and why don’t they have the common sense to go in and report a problem they have, getting some help for it?

Because part of the problem may be an already-low not only self-esteem, but masculinity itself. And reporting it – just that act – ironically makes the problem even worse instinctually.

Doesn’t this say something interesting about how gossip and rumors about a man may hurt him deeply, but then on top of this, he also feels alone with that information, doesn’t report it or get it better, and leaving him in a truly terrible place.

I recently had a friend fall victim to this.  A woman in PR spread a nasty rumor about him being “a stalker” or some sort of undesirable, when in fact any attempt he was making to say hi socially when he ran into her randomly was really just an attempt to address why in the world she would spread rumors, and perhaps even to make peace with whatever the hell was causing her to do such dishonest and cruel things.Then he got to go around silent and alone with this knowledge, for fear of looking defensive, weak, or of low rank among men.  A true “catch-22.”

We cover how to do right by yourself in terms of amping up and preserving your masculinity, in the Mature Masculine Power Programs.

Let’s also look at women’s motivations in gossiping.

They do so in part to share with each other emotionally, and therefore feel more connected, secure, and feminine – which makes them more attractive, attracted, and passionate about life in general.  A good thing.

The woman in the situation above had misread a mistake by my male friend – accidentally hitting the “ignore” button on his facebook to her request to befriend each other.  And in fact he had attended a party at HER invite, simply to support her. When he was met with total hostility, it was hurtful and didn’t make any logical sense.

Yet, in understanding that one of the most painful situations a woman could feel is “being excluded from a group.”  The accidental facebook rejection was at the root of her anger.

And sadly, they had gone from privately liking and supporting each other, to publicly becoming “enemies” through the gossip she spread.

All something that could have been avoided had there been not only good communication, but a true understanding of the differences in instinct between men and women.

Often, appearances imply guilt, and this woman was literally trying the man publicly for something he did not at all commit.

That’s kind of common, and part of why there is a “War on Masculinity” – not perpetrated by women, but by Ignorance.

We go to great lengths to correct this with the programs such as the Omega Male Program, the mindOS Program, and the Mature Masculine Power.

Enjoy these! And find yourself armed to the teeth with practical knowledge to not only make you a better man, but to defeat the real enemy in the War on Masculinity – which is Ignorance.

I’ve just posted a new post over at Psychology Today titled “Are women dying in the war on love?“. It’s all about suicide, women and love.  Love to hear your thoughts on this topic over there.

This subject really illustrates the importance of getting your mission in life and skills with women to a point that you can HELP society.  Do your part by learning scientifically proven techniques through the Omega Male Program, and The Gentleman’s Toolbox.

A friend at Psychology Today recently got in touch and offered me a position writing for Psychology Today. It’s a great opportunity for those interested in something beyond “picking up chicks”, which you probably were if you’ve been with me for a while.

Psychology Today and specifically my column called The Urban Scientist will be filled with great explorations into the mind, society, politics, and even the occasional crazy celebrity.

JUST ONE MORE TIME

Some time ago, I got out of a 5-year relationship with a wonderful woman named Tracey. As with many couples, we had started out hot, and then settled into a passionless routine. We were best friends. We watched a lot of TV. We read together in bed.

Perhaps our age difference was a problem; though fears of intimacy, no doubt, were also a factor. Nevertheless, Tracey was 4½ years older than I, and I had an insatiable wandering eye. We lived in a beach community. Many times she caught me looking lustfully at hot young women in skimpy outfits. I was in love with Tracey’s personality, but not her body.

It was a good lesson. It’s not enough to be best friends. Dr. Paul teaches that sexual attraction is the first part of building a relationship, whether you’re looking for Ms. Right or Ms. Right Now. What are the other two parts of building a relationship? Find out in “Mature Masculine Power” & “The Omega Male”.

While I was with Tracey, I worked on a paint crew. Picture me on a ladder next to my buddy, Dexter, who was a little older than I, painting a house near the beach on a blazing hot summer day. Whenever a beautiful young woman walked by, he and I would look at each other, shake our heads in mock dismay and mumble, “Just one more time!”; which meant: We knew we were approaching middle age and felt like we were invisible to hot young women and wouldn’t it be great if we could get away with fondling and caressing, just one more time, one or two young naked female bodies without cheating on our middle-aged girlfriends and being perceived as dirty old men?

MALE ENHANCEMENT

One of masculinity’s dirty little secrets is that many men, from time to time, suffer from erection problems. That began happening to me toward the end of my relationship with Tracey. And not only my dick, but my libido went limp. At the age of 33, I found myself saying things like: “Oh, well . . . sex isn’t all that important, anyway. What really counts is conversation, compatibility . . .” yada yada yada.

A wise female friend of mine, a massage therapist named Nika, said: “Bullshit! You just haven’t found the right woman, yet.”

Nika and I wound up in bed one night, not long after it ended with Tracey. And let me tell you, dear reader . . . my libido was resurrected! Res-erected! Haha!

WHO’S YOUR DADDY?

A few years later, I had the great, good fortune of dating a very mature young woman, named Jessica, in her early 20s. Ah . . . that soft, dewy, fertile flesh! She felt good, smelt good, and damned if she didn’t taste good, too! Before long, I was enjoying sex more than ever. And so was she!

One of the many benefits of being more than a decade older than Jessica was that I had much more staying power than I had when I was her age—no more worries about the gun going off before we were both ready. I was quite proud of myself for being able to hold off until she had climaxed several times. And she was SO appreciative!

Sex wasn’t the only way in which we satisfied each other. Jessica, accustomed only to unrefined boy-men, had never dated a man who knew how to treat her like a lady. Not that I was a sophisticate. But by my 30s, I had studied and practiced my social graces to the point where they had become second nature. And Jessica, not knowing any better, was easily impressed by my manners.

Ironically, many of these courtly behaviors—walking on the curbside of a sidewalk, extending my hand to help women in and out of cars, steering them clear of sidewalk grates when they were wearing heals, and many more—were taught to me by the older women I dated when I was in my 20s. Only, the older ones weren’t nearly as appreciative as young Jessica. They expected to be treated like they were special.

MAESTRO’S THEORY

I think that it’s in society’s best interest for older men to date younger women and for older women to date younger men. Why?

Mothers teach their sons how to be good providers for their wives and children. Mothers don’t teach their sons how to attract hot young women. That’s what fathers do. Unless, as is the case with most of us, our fathers are abusive or neglectful; in which case, older women do society a service by grooming boys to be sexy, sophisticated men—what Dr. Paul calls “A Gentleman with an Edge”. For more info on this concept, including the need for making women feel special, check out “The Gentleman’s Toolbox”.

As a result of what I call this epidemic of fatherlessness (a topic to be discussed in upcoming posts), many women grow up with no healthy examples of mature masculinity. The boys their age don’t know how to treat a lady. Thus young women need older men to teach them how they should be treated.

It’s a win/win situation for people in their 20s to date people over 35. And, to a certain extent, I think of it as the natural order of things. For thousands of years, older men have mentored young women into social and sexual maturity; and re-versa-visa, with older women and younger men. Think of it as prep school for long-term relationships.

When I was in my 20s, I was flattered by the sexual attention of older women. It boosted my masculinity and made me feel more accomplished than I was. Women in their 20s feel the same thing in reverse, when courted by older men. And now, after a good many years of dating younger women, I know why, when I was in my 20s, I couldn’t get dates with hot women my own age—they were dating older guys!

As always, I look forward to your views.

Till next time,

Maestro, Doctor Paul Dating Coach

“Dating for Men over 35” will be moderated by Maestro, a man over 35 who has 30 years of dating experience.

CALL ME MAESTRO!

“But does he conduct an orchestra?”

Remember that Seinfeld episode? Haha

Well, in fact, I have conducted orchestras. But that was a long time ago, in another life.

In those days, I was a sheltered kid from a strict Protestant household, raised by a single mother and her parents; which means I had two generations of prudery instilled in me. I never saw a naked female (of any age) until I spied on my college-aged cousin in the shower, when I was 14.

I lost my virginity at age 22, but only after several years of “Christian” sex—meaning, everything but vaginal intercourse—and then only after that girl and I had dated for a year and a half and literally couldn’t stop our bodies from doing what came naturally.

That relationship ended after I left college. A degree in music qualified me to wait tables. One of the many restaurant jobs I worked over the next ten years was at a cheap seafood buffet in a resort town. That summer was a real eye-opener!

SUMMER OF LUST

The waiter that trained me was a tall, ruggedly handsome fellow named John. Despite the scars on his face (that he had garnered in a knife fight while on shore leave in the Navy) and a finger that had been partially shorn off during an engine room accident, leaving a delicate stub (It was his right middle, or “pussy finger”, as he called it.), he cast an elegant figure in our required tuxedo-with-no-jacket uniform.

“Welcome! You’re gonna meet a lot of women this summer,” was the first thing he said to me.

“Oh, yeah?” He had my attention.

“People come to this town for three reasons: sun, food and sex. Women come in here with their girlfriends to get away from their husbands and boyfriends,” he explained. “Being at the beach reminds them of when they were still single, before they got locked into their middle-American jobs and families. They lust for the passion that they used to have, that their husbands and boyfriends no longer provide. Of course, they don’t go around saying, ‘Hey, I’m gonna cheat on my man!’ But that’s what ends up happening. They want a handsome stranger to sweep them off their feet. It’s not just a fantasy.”

And so, we became wingmen, as we now call it. It was my first experience of being “popular with the ladies”, as my grandfather used to put it. We had women waiting for us almost every night that summer when we got off work.

Sometimes they slipped us their phone numbers or hotel room numbers along with their payments. Sometimes they were waiting at the bar or outside the restaurant for us at closing time. Sometimes we just plain ole asked them if they wanted to meet us after work, and most of the time they either said yes or showed genuine regret for having other plans or for being married. Sometimes the ones that said no would show up later, anyway. Sometimes the most aggressive ones WERE the married ones!

POWER IS SEXY

John was my first mentor in the art of “pick-up”. Looking back, with what I know now, I can see that the reason all those women were attracted to us is because of our status. They were attracted to us for the same reason that we, as men, are attracted to the hot cocktail waitresses and bartenders more than we are to an equally good-looking female who happens to be sitting right next to us.

One of my improv teachers used to say, “The only mistake you can make in improv is to admit that you’ve made a mistake. And that’s because POWER IS SEXY. Audiences will love you as long as you don’t give your power away. They want you to be powerful, to lead them on a journey. They want to know that they are safe in your hands, and that they aren’t wasting their time with you. Audiences look at performers much the same way that women look at men.”

MATURE MASCULINE POWER

Enter Doctor Paul! If you’re looking to become the kind of man that naturally attracts quality women, then the best place to start is with Dr. Paul’s “MATURE MASCULINE POWER” DVD/CD set. If you’re a little more advanced and you really wanna take it to the next level, then try “THE OMEGA MALE” DVD/CD series.

Till next time,

Maestro

I’ll be a featured speaker in Los Angeles for the Love System’s Super Conference on October 17-19th.  I haven’t chosen a specific topic yet, but will shortly.

Savoy said some kind words in the video below.

Check out this page I made specifically for my appearance.