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Women who I work with often ask me why men get nervous when they approach women. They don’t understand how universal the fear of approaching women is and that it is one of the more frustrating aspects of this whole dating scene. Let us get down to the facts.

All men get approach anxiety, at least before they desensitize themselves to the experience. I personally do not get approach anxiety often, but on occasion, I still do. In addition, I have been going out meeting women 2 – 3 times a week for years and teaching men live attract women in bars. Women don’t scare me.

Think about it, if you are in a social setting and someone embarrasses or negatively judges you in front of other people, would you have an emotional reaction to it? Men have to face this whenever they walk up to a woman, she may blow him out in front of his friends, and other people in the venue.

There is also the issue of men lacking observing ego. If you lack the ability to see yourself from an objective perspective and stay in the moment, you create this superficial ego that represents your false beliefs about yourself. If a man (as most men do) tells himself “I am great with women” but really he is not (most aren’t), getting shot down by a woman can destroy his whole perception reality and cause great emotional pain.

So… men have approach anxiety, which is why you see guys get drunk at bars before even attempting to approach women. Most guys (I would guess 85 percent or more) can not approach a woman he doesn’t know sober. When the average guy DOES build up the courage to do this, he is putting a lot on the line emotionally and will have a hard time acting “normal.”

So how do you get through this? Go out and approach women, seriously FORCE yourself too, because if you do not you will be resigning to a life of mediocrity which a fate worse than death.

Also, get bigger problems than a woman’s perception of you. If you think about it logically, what are you scared of? Why does it matter?

We have evolved to have this response as a survival mechanism back when we lived in small tribes of 10 – 15 people. Now, it doesn’t matter but we still have those old survival mechanisms in place genetically. Push through them and condition yourself to not react to these situations and change your life forever.

The best way to get over this hurtle is to remember that meeting women and socializing is FUN. The whole experience is an exciting adventure, and should give you a chance to both enjoy and express yourself to the fullest extent.

If you can put yourself in a fun frame of mind, and go out with the objective of enjoying the process, then all of a sudden, the act of flirting with woman becomes much less intimidating.

I will talk about physical escalation and getting the first kiss in the next letter. Stay tuned.

Take it easy,

-Eric