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What do I Say?

As a dating coach, I often hear the question: “Uh… what do I say?”

Ok, that makes sense.  You walk up to start a conversation with a woman, you get slightly nervous, and you start thinking “Oh no, what if she doesn’t like me… what are we going to talk about…” and then your brain goes blank.  What do you do?

The truth is it does not matter what you say.  You can say almost anything and as long as you are coming from the right place emotionally.  A place of high character and strong boundaries.  Literally, you can walk up and say, “God I feel constipated… what’s up guys?” and get the girl.

That said, it may be easier for some people to use what we “in the industry” refer to as “openers.”  An opener is a ‘canned’ line that we can use to initiate conversation with a woman or group of women. 

This very question is what inspired us to create The Gentleman’s Toolbox, a product we created to give clients countless lines, stories and tactics to use when out on the town, to ensure that you are never at a loss for something to say, you are communicated the right subconscious messages essential for creating sexual attraction.

This became such a popular and valuable product, we even put it in our Essentials Package.  But for those of you who don’t have it, I am going to break down some insanely effective “Opener Tactics” in this email for you.

Sound good?  Cool, lets go.

You may be asking “How is an opener different is this from a pickup line?”  Well, the term “pickup line” generally refers to a corny, over played compliment, which is supposed to flatter a woman so much that she will want to sleep with you.  Examples of stupid “pick up lines” are:

“Hey, let me look at your tag… Oh just as I thought… made in heaven.”

Or

“Wow… are your legs tired?  Because you have been running through my mind all night long…”

or

“Hey, what is your sign?”

These lines are so played out and cliche that they would rarely work in real life.

An opener however, can be effective.  The purpose of an opener is to engage a woman or group of women in a conversation using a topic has been proven to consistently spark an emotionally charged, interesting dialog.  An opener initiates the conversation using a seemingly spontaneous topic so you can then have time to display sexually attractive traits to them early in the interaction without her having a knee-jerk reaction to shoot you down.

Let’s break openers down into three types:

Direct

A direct opener is a technique of opening a conversation by being very honest about your intentions.  An example is:

“Hey, you are gorgeous.  My name is Eric”

Simple, clear but it takes confidence.  This is because you are basically putting your balls on the chopping board by revealing your feelings for her.  If she rejects you, then you can’t “save face” but that’s fine because really it is no big deal if she shoots you down.

Indirect – Opinion opener

An indirect opener is a way of initiation conversation indirectly, so her initial defenses are not up.  Many women go on autopilot and shoot down the majority of guys that come flirt with them because…. They have to.  If you are and attractive woman and are used to being hit on all the time, you need to reject most advances just to get through the day. 

The indirect opener gets around this by asking the girl a seemingly random question but “emotionally charged” questions, which they will respond to naturally without the knee jerk rejection.  This gives you time to display your true personality and gives her more time to become sexually attracted to you.  Two examples are:

“Hey I need a female opinion:  Would you get jealous if your boyfriend was still close with his ex?”

Or

“Hey you know that song that goes “You swing me right round baby, right round…”… Who sings that?”

Natural

 The natural opener is my fallback.  The way it works is, you walk up and just introduce yourself naturally, like you were at a party.  You also just say whatever pops into your head.  If you are totally comfortable and projecting attractive qualities, then this will generate great results.  Example:

“Hey guys, what’s up?  I’m Eric.”

So there you go - three basic styles of opening a conversation with women.  Try them out and use whatever works best for you.

Take it easy guys.

 -Eric

(Executive Instructor/Director Of In Field Training)