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Got a request for help with using the WOMAN’S book I wrote:

I just finished reading “the secret psychology of how we fall in love” and even though it was designed for women, there a couple nuggets of gold that I found useful and it is always useful to learn more about how the opposite sex approaches dating in particular the how the attraction phase works on us guys.

What did everyone else find that was particular useful to them?

Is the attraction stage for men proceed like this?

1.Mystery
2.Demonstrate Alpha Status
3. Pass Women’s Test

And on a follow up, what is or how exactly is mystery used in the context of how men attract women?

In response, I can only state the “UN-PUA Manifesto”:

The how-to of using my systems is the entire point of the live seminars for men, and is what is laid out in great detail in the Omega Male Program: Total Dating Dominance. I cover every detail for MEN in there, of how these are the real steps of sexual attraction.

The notion of modern social dilemmas, “dating techniques,” “pickup lines,” tactics and all the kinds of things you read online and in pop culture today are rather new rehashes of how attraction happens between a man and a woman.

Although you’ll see some familiar terms and phrases in The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, and it is written in a style that is woman-friendly, I pulled together all the models of the mind that are used in the academic community rather than the pop culture, “guru” community to explain…

…what has been going on since the beginning of TIME between men and women, not simply what sounds cool or only works in a bar. Some centuries ago (maybe quite a few), there weren’t bars. There were other ways that men and women socialized.

Of course I have either been taught by, taught with, or taught to every major “men’s dating guru” today, including Mystery and David Deangelo, but what is introduced in this book - and explained in its entirety in the live seminars and the Omega Male Seminar on CD
… is what really lies BENEATH the teachings of every other author or speaker out there on the subject.

How? Because I know their “techniques,” but I also am a psychoanalytic theorist in my profession, one that I have trained in and treated actual patients in all my adult life.

Consider me the perfect “translator” for you, between the lingo of the men’s community, real science and the mainstream public.

I’ll give you two examples.

When Mystery teaches about “peacocking” and the term is coined as a means of dressing outlandishly in a way that gets womens’ attention, or uses “false time constraints” to capture her ongoing interest in you staying (and dropping her guard at thinking you are up to something other than just friendly banter), these two seeming “tactics,” are actually triggering only one and the same thing.

A sense of Mysteriousness about you. Which in my world, is essentially triggering what are called a woman’s “Oedipal Strivings.” I won’t go into what that is here, but it is essentially the blueprint of what ALL a woman’s flirtation habits will be with men for the rest of her life - after having successfully gone through this early childhood process by the benefit of having a good FATHER.

These other teachers have never heard of such a thing, nor have they seen its operation in thousands of clients as I have.

What it means for YOU, is that you do NOT literally have to dress outlandishly to trigger this, nor do you HAVE to tell every woman you meet that “I have to go in a few minutes because my friends are waiting for me.” You can simply be your natural self, but find what, in each social situation, is MYSTERIOUS about YOU to convey.

It then ought to make sense to you why my system in the book, and in the Omega or the live programs, ought to be the most important dating product you will ever acquire.

It means that YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN PRIVATE “METHOD” of dating and attraction, in a way that is meant ONLY for YOU, and can be done ONLY by YOU.

I don’t buy in to the grumblings in the men’s community that certain secret tricks and tactics ought to be hidden or protected from other men, or from women. To do other wise would imply to me that there are a whole lot of men out there that are manipulative toward women, sneaky, dishonest, or that they actually have come to believe that there is a set of universal tactics that all men use exactly the same in order to attract women.

Insane.

Moreover…there is no such thing as a #1, 2, and 3 ranked “pickup artist,” as if the other several billions of men in the world are somehow less effective at beng attractive, finding love or commitment in the arms of a woman than those ranked as such. Ridiculous.

ALL men are hard-wired to attract women if only they learn their own unique way of doing so, and as importantly, ALL women WANT men to be real men with both the skill to be attractive, but simultaneously the fortitude to be themselves.

My first step of sexual attraction for men then, your own unique way of being mysterious, is unassailable, cannot be “AMOGGED” or “one-upped” by any “method” now in existence, or ever to be devised.

Do you know why?

Because only YOU can be YOU!

You have a now and forever MONOPOLY on YOU!

In this way then, if you have heard that all of Los Angeles is now full of women looking over their shoulders for the next dozen guys who are going to use the same old line, the same old tactic, the same old move, or comment, or technique because the same old “method” has been taught to ever male in the city limits, YOU have no worries. Nor do you need to worry that too many men are going to learn the exact same “methods” just because it is all over national television.

Why? Because no two men are the same, nor are any two women. Only you can be you in the unique way that you find to make yourself mysterious. Nobody can BE mysterious in precisely the same way you are.

And so you are immune if you learn the science UNDERNEATH all the buzz and tactics and “methods” out there. They do not matter.

So you cannot be one-upped. Not EVER. This is what an “Omega Male” is in my definition. Neither “player” nor “wussy,” but a gentleman of unique identity who has BOTH flirtation skill AND all the components of character - the latter of which there is not even a coherent system of teaching even in my own professional field, let alone an online marketing expert’s knowledge base. (If the latter has one, it was lifted directly from yours truly.)

I hate to be the one to make such statements, as it would be much easier to just allow the posting of a bunch of testimonials. But I understand my own design of these steps laid out in these programs, and have seen them so directly apply in the lives of thousands of men and women over so many years…that I probably am the best person to really explain WHY they work as they do…and why they are just that good. It’s that I have gotten to literally see the ideas work, across the board, universally, to everyone I have consulted to. It’s a humbling thing, rather than a wow-look-at-me thing. After all, it wasn’t ME who did anything for these people. It was THEM who took the ideas that, granted, I designed, but which THEY figured out how to use in their lives.

I think it fair and right to set something straight, for clarity: if in the mens community you ever hear of boundaries, the importance of the present moment (observing ego), the importance of character, confidence, well-being, value (an emotional measurement in units), and the other science of my works, those terms came right from me, someone with a business overheard them and adopted them without licensure or permission. The mistake made by pirates of the ideas of others is to think that what I teach is in the mainstream literature, common in my profession, and therefore “public domain” to use. It isn’t. MindOS is an innovation even in my own field, and so there is no Cliff’s notes or Idiot’s Guide to paraphrase from, lift it and couch it in a new brand of yet more “methods” for men.

Let’s look what is “under” two systems out there:

Another example of two men:

Mystery teaches a very rigid system with steps and must-do’s, an orderly, logical method that I greatly respect about him, as the entertainer by trade that he is. It has worked well for him personally in many cases, not every single person he’s met (I’ve been there personally on occasion.) Yet it’s great for him in part because he is a MAGICIAN personality. Of course a logical, analytical system will give structure to a magician and make him more effective socially. But if an overly Left-brained, Obsessive guy gets his hands on it, what happens? He gets even MORE analytical and robotic, and gets all the more frustrated. The guy who uses it is overly analytical to begin with, and now he’s getting even more so. Women look at him strangely and don’t by it (unless they are intoxicated, in which case it almost doesn’t matter what a guy does.) With time, the guy drops the hyperanalysis a bit, remembers the structure, but eventually is forced to grow more right-brained ability, to loosen up, etc. To a “guru” he was considered a “bad student” or a “tough student” (Pradeep!), when in fact it was simply a mismatch of learning material to the personality style of the guy in question. And hopefully he doesn’t go away feeling bad about himself. What he really needed was some comedy improv acting class (to get out of his head and into more right-brained behavior), and the knowledge of the real and scientific steps of attraction - beginning with finding a way to be more mysterious, making use of who he is NATURALLY as source material.

e.g. a King (analytical, logical) can often use wit, sarcasm, and intellectual means to be mysterious, whereas a Magician is naturally so, and a Warrior might use his ACTION-PRONE tendency to be mysterious in what he does with his body rather than so much his mind.

What will work for you must be TAILORED to you, not forced on you as a universal “method” common to all men. Which no method can be. Yet armed with the knowledge that mysteriousness is step ONE, YOU are the one to tailor mysteriousness to YOURSELF. hint: peacocking might not be the specific, most effective means. It is not the LEAST COMMON DENOMINATOR. Mysteriousness is, because the very real Oedipal period of life DOES exist for every woman ever born. (I explain the Oedipus in the works called Mature Masculine Power. http://doctorpaul.net/maturemasculinepower.htm)

BTW, after four years, mindOS, Mature Masculine Power, and KWML are now in their SECOND, REVISED EDITIONS.

Here’s another. Let’s go with an opposite personality style in a “guru.”

David D, a King.

He doesn’t prance around on stage in leopard pants and a pimp hat. Instead, he champions another “method” called Cocky Funny, and which means that he has personally found it useful to cultivate both humor, and a cheeky, outgoing emotional attitude.

Of course! A King needs to grow more Magician skill as he goes through life. Being Cocky Funny IS being “Magicianly!”

Drill down to the science once again and here is what is happening with THAT technique (and why some love it, some hate it, some say its gold, and some say it “doesn’t work.”)

Our Right-brain is the ONLY place where humor exists. Humor is scientifically connecting three unrelated concepts and MAKING them relate through story (which is also Right-brained.) For example, telling a story about how a dog (item 1) followed you into a bank (item 2) and when it started licking your leg, the guards (item 3) drew their revolvers on you because they thought you were somehow using the dog as a weapon with which to rob the bank! The dog got you in trouble, and that’s the cute, personalized, endearing humor in your story. If you left out item 1, item 2, or item 3, the story just isn’t funny. (Maybe you don’t think it’s funny anyway, but I do, and i love entertaining myself. Women would love this kind of story too, with embarrassment and self-effacing humor rather than biting humor at their expense…)

Secondly, the “Cocky” in science terms would be none other than Confidence from my mindOS model. Most do not know that even in my professional field, there is no coherent, practical, implementable method of defining or growing SELF-ESTEEM. It has been a mystery. Yet I define it for you in mindOS ( http://doctorpaul.net/mindos.htm) in a way that has never been laid out so simply and accurately. Confidence is one of the two components of self-esteem, and the one most missing in the natural skills of a King personality.

Therefore, VOILA! Being more funny (right brained) and more cocky (confident) are the perfect antidotes to a King who has lacked attraction. Why? Because to a woman, a full, balanced, integrated personality is the most attractive sexually, emotionally, and intellectually. A King who grows more magicianly (cocky and funny) is more attractive, and a Magician who grows more kingly (Mystery) is more attractive. BTW, did you notice that the climax of each of Mystery’s shows on VH-1 has him sitting on a sort of Throne, declaring judgements on the merits of his “subjects?” Kingly situation isn’t it? The Magician gets to enjoy the role of King.

It worked for David D because of who he is, and obviously I greatly respect his professional skills and trade as a marketer in the same way I respect Mystery’s professional skills and trade as an entertainer.

My professional skills and trade are neither as marketer, nor entertainer, but at the very thing most men have come here for - the precise advice that will turn your life around, or better it into the exact path you want it to be on. That’s the ONLY thing I have spent my entire adult life training to do - to help you. As a result, I personally have not been as rapid to reach the mass public eye (entertainers are on the fast track to that), nor have I become the wealthiest guy I know by virtue of knowing you (marketers are on the fast track to that.)

But I am quite content to be what I have been to you, coming from the “real me.” I’m confident in asserting that there is simply no one else out there with this level of HELP and depth of understanding for your journey to greater skill with women, with career, with personal growth, certainly at character, and life as a man in general. BOTH the mastery of the men’s community ideas, lingo, and culture, AND all the latest available from academia. And that’s honesty, sincere, and not meant to be bravado. Just as in your career, you know that you know that you know what you’re doing. And what I know that I know that I know is how to treat and teach people precisely what to do to grow psychological and behavioral skills.

So I have a lot of learning and growth to do too, just like any other man. To be more an entertainer with practice, I will reach more men. To be more skilled as a marketer with practice, I will do better financially, and be able to expand even more what we offer, with an even bigger team and even more resources.

God knows there have been challenges caused by these things I need to grow.

In getting back to your comments on the book, they apply.

With the opportunity to take all my work that applies to BOTH men and women to a very large publisher, I wanted to give a LOT of value. The whole “matrix,” the big picture of what is going on between men and women.

If I had had better self-marketing skill, I may have avoided this pointed piece of advice (and a command embedded in it): “MEN DON’T BUY BOOKS,” my handlers said. And so the powers that be refused to consider a book for either just men, or BOTH men and women on the topic. I know better because I know YOU. And you are MEN.

So I was left with no choice but to word my system for explaining sex, love, and romance for both men and women in the form of a book ONLY for women. I prefer to teach a wide variety of people, of ANY ethnicity, geography, or gender, with equal care, and so online, in person, in CDs, DVDs and ecourses, I soldier on, connecting with you through these means rather than traditional paper books. My friend Neil has the lock on the paper ones for men, and that now to me, looking at the inner workings of the publishing world, is indeed quite a feat knowing what I know now.

What you discovered in reading the women’s book is that it secretly is just as useful and explanatory to men as it is to women. In fact it teaches you what women really need, and teaches women what men really need if we are going to get together in a solid connection.

You see, there is a little thing you may not quite yet realize about all this. You sense it, but may not be able to put words to it yet. You get a little glimpse of it when you secretly take my advice to watch all six seasons of Sex and the City, and don’t let any of your male friends know you have done so - because to some men that might seem unmasculine or even embarassing.

Which is also why nobody in the community is teaching this thing you are almost realizing:

Getting women into your life demands not only that you understand YOURSELF, and how to be more masculine, more attractive, and more competent socially. It also absolutely demands that you understand the MENTAL and EMOTIONAL PROCESSES UNIQUE TO WOMEN, TOO.

Women are NOT robots whose “attraction switches” you trip, as if you are playing a video game. If this produces a result for you, there is a chance you are selecting for a woman who is early in her character development and maturity, is easily influenced, and lacks the ability to see through you. If so, one must wonder about the ethics you are using if you get sexual with someone so easily influenced. This scenario and its language, some of it demeaning to women, is what gives men, and the community of men who come together to help each other a bad name in the mainstream. We have every right to our locker-room humor as men - and I’m no different from you in hanging out with my buddies - but that’s a different thing from doing the wrong thing by a woman, in person, in dating, or in a relationship with her.

Women are each unique, and have a complexity that cannot be rendered into a set of cool moves and slick tactics that are going to “work for you.” They need to be understood on a much higher level than just in sexual attraction alone, but rather, in their richness of personality, degree of maturity, intellect, experience and wisdom in life as well, if you are truly going to have a satisfying life knowing and loving them.

Men are easy to understand. Women are not. It takes higher level sophistication to delve into the workings of the emotions, character, and personality that is all bundled up in what causes them to be attracted to us.

And so in picking up the book for women which is based on the live trainings
( http://doctorpaul.net/seminars.html )and the Omega Male Seminar on CD,
( http://doctorpaul.net/omegaseminar21cds.htm )and finding only a few great “nuggets” of advice, I challenge you to look deeper, and re-read it.

As an intro to my most complete models, it’s great, and the far deeper explanation of how to USE it, in MEN’S ONLY language and training of the live seminars and the Omega are the next step. But in these all, and even the women’s book, you won’t find just some nuggets.

My friend, in there is EVERY answer you could possibly want or need to know about women, you, and the social life you are seeking among them.

Thanks for having discovered it. And thanks for going along on the ride with me to further growth and adventure in learning. I learn as much from meeting with you guys personally as you learn from me.

And that’s what the men’s community once started as - not online marketing wars, or entertainment in the network rating wars, but as men who bothered to treat each other as brothers, trying to learn and grow through each other’s wisdom and friendship.

Thanks for being here, a “guest in my home.”